Transcript: Uncomfortable Topics

On Dating

Episode “Uncomfortable
topics”

Andrea
Syrtash: we are talking about who pays for a date and other uncomfortable
topics on today’s show. I am Andrea Syrtash and this is On dating.

What is the
most uncomfortable thing about dating?

Man on
street: When you break up with someone that’s always a little awkward.

Woman on street:
Breaking the no touch rule. Because I always get uncomfortable when somebody’s
trying to touch me when I don’t want them to.

Man on
street: The whole rejection thing, du du
dun!

Man on
street: In my experience picking up my date, the father. Being there.

Man on
street: the first date asking the person out would be the most uncomfortable
thing.

Woman on
street: Trying to establish who is going to pay for things and you need to ask
who is going to pay for something up front that makes it really uncomfortable.

Andrea
Syrtash: At the beginning of dating a new person we all have uncomfortable
moments. There are three areas I often get asked about, how do you break up
with someone online who you haven’t even met yet? Who should pay on the first
date? How do you end a date with a person who you don’t really want to see again?
All valid questions and lets face it all awkward.

What happens when you meet a new person you are more interested in?

This happens
all the time, you start emailing someone and you are close to booking a date,
but that fabulous new person pops up. You’re no longer really interested in the
other one. My experience with clients is suck it up and tell the person you
have been emailing for awhile that since you have began corresponding you have
in fact met someone in the real world.

Look it should
be no surprise you are dating; you met on a dating site after all. Just don’t
disappear cold turkey if you have emailed more than a few times. Not cool.

Who pays on
a first date?

Of course
there are exceptions, but the general rule is if you want to hang out again. It
is totally un cool for the guy not to get the tab on the first date. It is
actually a big complaint I hear from women as they debrief a date.

So when the
bill comes it should go down something like this. Man pulls out his wallet,
woman pulls out hers. Man says, oh no, no it’s on me. Woman, are you sure. Man
insist; yeah my pleasure. Woman of course thanks him and if she likes him adds,
I will get it next time.

See easy,
now even though the man should pay on the first date that doesn’t mean a woman
shouldn’t offer to contribute to a part of it, like desert after dinner. But
guys get the main event and insist with a smile, if you don’t she will notice.
If you’re strapped for cash, suggest a cheaper dating spot like a glass of wine
or a walk and an ice cream. That way you won’t dread picking up the tab.

How do you
end a date with someone you don’t want to see again?

With online
dates and blind dating it is common not to want to book a second date after the
initial meeting. But it is awkward, especially if you have had a nice evening
together. A number of men say I will call you when there date is coming to a
close. They may know there is no way they will ever dial there dates digits
again but perhaps it’s a pleasant way to end the evening. Wrong. Don’t do that.

A woman
would much prefer you to say thank you nice to meet you good night, and make
that the end of it. Don’t pretend you are going to follow up if your not. Women
same thing goes for you. Keep it simple at the end. Of course if the guy pays
you’re going to want to thank him and then just get out if there fast. Just say
thank you goodnight. If the guy follows up to book a date again, you can email
back something like this.

Dear date,

Thank you
for the invitation. However, I don’t feel a romantic connection. I wish you all
the best.

I think you
get the point. In dating there are always awkward moments but the fewer the
hurt feelings the better. If you’re not interested in your date that’s ok it
happens all the time and people are more resilient than you realize. So be
considerate even when your not interested and when you are interested guys pick
up the tab. Because dividing the check and counting change at the table is,
well it’s not a turn on.

Here is a
reminder of how to handle some uncomfortable dating situations:

Be honest if
you meet someone else. Guys get the tab. Everybody don’t pretend you’re going
to follow up if you’re not.

Thanks for
watching On dating and remember even a bad date makes a great story, so get out
there and have some fun. I am Andrea Syrtash see you next time.